Birthday Thoughts

It's my birthday today. I'm 29, and feeling depressed. Not sure why. Because I'm one year close to 30? No longer in my young 20's? I have troubles coming to grips with my own mortality and it depresses me that one day I won't be here anymore...and this birthday services only to remind me of that.

While I have my beliefs as to what will happen to me when I pass through the "veil"...still no one knows for absolute sure. Will I pass to this place of absolute beauty, where I will rest and reflect upon my life lived, and prepare for my next? Or will I simply blink out of existence.

Birthdays used to make me happy...I used to wait in anticipation for my upcoming birthday, but this year I dreaded it. Perhaps because I don't really have anyone to celebrate with (well...except my husband and children). No one to really remind me of the celebratory nature of this blessed day. I feel alone in this birthday. Sure people will send me birthday wishes over the internet, but the sad thing...the only ones to actually make a physical phone call are my in-laws. No friends...no family, just extended...through marriage (with the exception again of my husband and children).

Am I worth a thought anymore? Perhaps, but on the one day of the year when I would think people would remind me of the blessed day that this day represents, not one thought, not one word.

Depression sucks.
Happy Birthday to me :(