Is it me????

It's funny. I find a group that I enjoy, that has the same family feel as the one group I was a manager of, years ago, that has some active participation, and seem to be ready to let my guard down in, only to have things either change or close down. Is it me? It just seems like every time I find something that appeals to me, that has a family feel to it, shortly after I join, they close down, or make some drastic change where half the people leave.

I sometimes get the sense that I am not supposed to connect with others in a social way, whether it be out in the real world, or online. I cannot find people around my area who understand my beliefs and my way of thinking, and I can't find a group that's either willing to stay the way they are OR are willing to stay formed at all.

I used to think that being solitary was just a temporary thing...I'm beginning to think that remaining solitary is going to be permanent. Not that there's really anything wrong with being a solitary...I can do what I want, when I want...and how I want. I don't have to stick to scheduals, I can do spontaneous things, jump up and go to the park and sit under a tree and meditate all I want.

But I do want the social aspects too. I want to connect with others that are interested in the same things as me. But then...perhaps I'm too eclectic. My tastes run ALL over the board. There are LOTS of things that interest me, perhaps that's another reason why I can't find what I'm looking for.

But then, perhaps, I'm just looking for something I once had that is not gone forever. I loved my online group. We were such a close-knit family, and when we moved after MSN shut down groups, we drifted. No one could find out new home, and our "family" split over semantics. Perhaps I want things to go back to the way they were when I started my path, to find something that is now gone and belongs in the past (man, I'm sounding depressing lmao).

It doesn't help that in every forum I go to now, there's all kinds of drama that pops up. It's usually stupid petty things; but then it's also ignorant things that really doesn't need to pop up in the first place...one person adamantly determined that THEIR way of practice is right and everyone else's is wrong. Sounds familiar. Whatever happened to letting people do what's comfortable for them? Whatever happened to not labeling ourselves?

I want a group that can accept everyone's personal ways as their own; acknowledge that someone may practice something similar to you, with a little tweak here and there to make their path their own. Why is that so hard to ask?





Ma’iingan